Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
