bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
