the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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