She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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