Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
