It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
