You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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