Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
