you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
