Sponge bath it is.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk is not a location!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
