Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
