dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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