it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
