I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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