Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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