...so i touched it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
