how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
