Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize