He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize