If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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