you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize