She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
