She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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