yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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