Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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