i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize