Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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