Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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