party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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