best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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