It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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