remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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