that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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