so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
