I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
