He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
