we made out on top of his cat.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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