does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
