So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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