You just made me feel so damn special
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
