I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
