I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
