Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
