really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
