I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
