I think i peed on brittanys purse
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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