My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
