New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is the high leading the old right now
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
