the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
