I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
