I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize