And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
