I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
