I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
