yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
