this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
