Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize