is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize