1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
