I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
