Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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