I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
