So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
