that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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