I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
