oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
