Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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