didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
