rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
