my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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