I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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