did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
