I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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