her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
