Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
