so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
