Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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