Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
