why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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