I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
BRING THE BAGELS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
