So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
